i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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