My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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