don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
