These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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