I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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