When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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