I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
