oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
