my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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