you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
