So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
