So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
