So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
