so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
