would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
