since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
