totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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