Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
