Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
