spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
