Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
