Don't worry. I has chaperone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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