OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
