One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
