I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize