Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
