the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
