Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
