first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
