If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
