The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
