so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
