Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
