Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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