We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
