Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize