Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
