those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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