Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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