I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
