capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
