My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
