I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
