Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
