He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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