yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
