I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize