I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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