Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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