you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize