remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize