evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
