i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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