bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
