So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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