PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
