Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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