I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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