I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
