trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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