Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
