Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love you. Go after that dick
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