Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
