Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
